Identity

So I have been playing around with my identity the last year or so and have yet to know what or who I really am. I have this idea in my head of who I want to be when I grow up but I am still in the process of figuring out what I have to do now in order for my future me to happen. I keep making little adjustments every few weeks as almost a trial period to see if it is something I like or not. This week has been my be a productive/ planner person period and I think I like it enough to keep trying it for a few more weeks. The few identities that I have figured out so far are the following:

I think my number one identity is being a wife. If I ever fail as a wife then I really start making changes. I associate a lot of my happiness on how well my marriage is doing. Sometimes Nate and I just get a little out of sync and I have to really focus my goals back onto our relationship. I don't want him to just be my partner in life. That isn't good enough for me. He is my confidant, companion, eternal buddy, and best friend. My biggest identity is being all of those things to him.

My second identity is being a mother. I really did not imagine how happy a little person could make me. Nathan and I are constantly telling each other how grateful we are for Kendrick. It is hard to imagine a time when he was not in our lives. Even when Kendrick is being difficult or grumpy we both count our blessings that he is part of our family. Somehow he fits perfectly into our lives and makes us feel like the happiest people in the world.

My third identity is my hair. This one surprised me a bit because I didn't know it was a part of my identity until I cut it all off. I thought it would be fun to have a look that I had never had before but boy oh boy did I learn a lesson. Over the past year when I looked in the mirror I felt like I was looking at a stranger. It just was not me to have short/thin hair. I never got used to it. Luckily hair grows and is long and thick enough now where I feel like I see me again.

The best part about dreaming about the person you want to be is that when you reach the age of where you were dreaming it is amazing to see how far you have come. I used to dream about being 21-22 years old and my reality is better than any of those dreams. How amazing is that? I think if I keep working on being a better person than the same will be true about the person I dream about when I am 30. Happy dreaming everyone!

Glimpse

Have you ever had a moment in life where everything is so perfectly balanced that it as if you get a glimpse of heaven? Where your body, mind, and spirit are so happy that it physically makes you smile? I have a secret about streetlights that I'm slightly embarrassed to share. It makes no logical sense but whenever a streetlight turns on when I am walking under it I know that it is God way of saying that He loves me. It seems so silly to type it out but I'm being serious. It makes me smile to heaven instantly because I know that in that moment I am getting a glimpse of heaven and I'm being thought about.

I'm sure my crazy obsession comes from being scared running home in the dark growing up. My friend and I used to walk each other halfway between our houses and then we would both sprint home in opposite directions. The halfway point was on a corner so we couldn't see each other once we started running. The street light was usually out by my house so I felt like I was running blindly.

It seemed as if the nights I was most scared it would magically turn on. It startled me the first couple of times and then it got to the point where I knew that it was Gods way of showing me that he was taking care of my fears. Now I can hardly ever go on a night stroll without at least one streetlight turning on when I'm walking under it. It is a constant reminder to me that God cares.

I have been lucky enough to have a few glimpses of heaven over the last few days. It has been a recharge for me encouraging me to stick it out through the fears of life changing. The few glimpses happened with my sweet Kendrick. He is my angel. He is helping me become a better wife, mom, and person.

I was always so nervous of the toddler stage but with each new challenge I have learned to love each moment. I am so anxious about what life has so offer but I am so thankful that there can be moments of peace that make everything seem as if it will all be alright.

RaNdOm

So I think I want to blog about really random stuff. I want to try to stay away from making blogger my journal and more just a place to dump random thoughts. Well give it a try for a little while and if I still hate it I can always delete it later right?

Kendrick has a fever for a few days.. which has led to him not eating or drinking anything but his milk. So being the awesome mom that I am I thought I'd try and hide pedialyte into things he usually loves. I started with making a slushy which was 4 bites worthy. Then I made some jello and used the pedialyte to substitute the water. Kendrick hasn't tried it yet but my fingers are crossed :)

Yoga is still my passion... but lately I haven't made time for it and that makes me super sad. The happy part about this paragraph is that I still think I'm fairly good at it. Each time I step on my mat I feel awesome! It may not be everyday but at least it is always on my mind... so eventually I'll work up to actually practicing for real and not just in my head.

I have decided that one of the main reasons we are here on earth is to have our heart learn how to love deeper. When the world constantly tries to break it our battle is to mend it and make it stronger than it was before.

 I'm a dreamer kind of Gal. I love to think about the future. I also love that my life somehow turns out better than any dreams I make up. My current future dream right now is to be a midwife. It would be to be a obgyn but I don't think I'm willing to take that much time away from my family in order to get educated and then work in the field. I also want to be a dietitian for pregnant or breastfeeding moms but I'm not sure that job even exists.

I'm not planning on having my blog posts be completely random thoughts like this one. I just want to get a different kind of theme going.

Flashback

My thoughts all started with Kendrick drinking from a new formula that is extremely foamy.  As I was feeding him I was reminded of the baby bottles that some dolls had where the milk disappeared into the lid as you fed the baby doll. It reminded me how badly I wanted to be a mother as a little girl. I took such good care of my dolls and would dream of having my own real baby someday.

I remember specifically a time where one of my brothers had gotten upset with me and chucked one of my dolls out the door. It had hit a telephone pole and got a scratch on the top of it's head. I was in tears for days over it. I just couldn't believe that he had thrown my doll (I probably deserved it). In my mind he had thrown a living thing. He had hurt my baby.

As I was rocking Kendrick and was thinking back to the little me I am reminded at just how grateful I am to be a mother. I had dreamed about it for so long that at times it still feel surreal. Each moment I get to spend with Kendrick is even better than I could have dreamed up. I am overwhelmed with how happy motherhood has made me. I look forward to new mommy and son adventures and loving my son more and more every day.

Celebrating 3 years of our Happily Ever After!

Nathan and I celebrated our 3 year anniversary. We were lucky to have Kendrick join us on our 2 day getaway. The entire time we were traveling one of us would always be saying "I'm so glad that little boy is with us. I love having him here." We feel so so blessed to have our little man and he just added to joy of celebrating 3 years.

We have a goal to try and do something outdoors each year. Usually it is hiking, but this year we decided to explore the Ocean. We went to Astoria and then Cannon Beach, OR. The only complaint about our entire trip was that our Motel room smelled like cigarette smoke :( It was very disheartening because it was a non-smoking facility and the pictures online of the place were deceiving.

In Astoria we went across a 4.5 mile bridge and then went thrift store shopping. I love looking in all the shops. Nate was the one to find some awesome deals though. He got $3 polarized sunglasses, a Frisbee, and a boomerang. Because this was a day before our actual anniversary we picked out some fun cards in one of the stores and just read them to each other. I think it is a tradition we will do each year. It is cheap entertainment and a fun way to read lots of cards without having to purchase them.

After a day on our feet we then drove to Cannon Beach where we ate dinner on the sand and planned to watch the sunset. Kendrick was a happy babe being outside all day and once a few bubbles were worked out he quickly fell asleep in my arms. Nate and I enjoyed watching the waves and water, but sadly the sky was to cloudy to see the sun. We did see a speck of it shine through for a few minutes but mostly it was a white sky. Nate was really looking forward to me seeing the sun set on the Ocean so we will have to plan a beach day again sometime.

Happy 3 years to the love of my forever!!

Driving on the Bridge

 

Astoria Bridge

  

I still have a thumb sucker.

"No kissing!"

"Fine I'll just look away."

Nate is chewing instead of smiling.

"I love Daddy's Frisbee."

"Look! I'm touching the Ocean."

Crow Family 2012

7 months

Nathan took the pictures this month but he kept looking at me instead of the camera.

I can hardly believe little mister is so big. I just want to freeze time. He is so fun and so active he brings so much joy into our home. He is trying to skip over the crawling stage and go straight to walking. He halfway pulled himself up in church today (8-19-11) multiple times. He has done it a few times before now but today he was just determined more than ever. He is growing faster than I can keep up with. I have been reorganizing the house to hopefully keep him safe but sometimes it is difficult to know ahead of time what will interest him. Other than loving darkness for sleep he also loves straps, bear hugs, and food.

Stinky bum + Strangers = Shy Kendrick

We had the opportunity to visit Nate's family in Kickerville, WA. I always think of the bat from Anastasia that says, "and I kick her sir". Kendrick had his first REAL shy moment. He buried he head in my chest and had a scared look on his face. All it took was a bum change and he was his happy smiling self. He even got excited about everyone wanting to hold him.

It felt so much like being home. Nate's Uncle Frank had many similar mannerisms to Nate's Dad that at times it felt like we were just visiting Mona for the weekend. We enjoyed touring the area, playing pinnacle, visiting, and eating lots and lots of yummy food. We look forward to visiting again sometime in the future!

Canada!